the Music

and how it happened

BACK TO LIFE

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I deal with depression. So do many of those closest to me.

In fact, I believe most of us don’t give our mental and emotional health enough care. I know I didn’t until a few years ago. Now therapy and self-care are a regular part of my routine.

I’m sharing this with you for a couple reasons.

First, I’ve been a Jesus-follower since I was young. I’ve heard many, many sermons about how prayer and faith in God are sufficient to keep us emotionally sound and mentally strong.

That just isn’t true.

While prayer is an important source of perspective and peace, and my faith gives me strength and courage, talking to God about my feelings doesn’t free me from depression. And that fact doesn’t make me a weak Christian—it makes me someone who values the mind, soul, body, and heart God gave me.

Second, my new single is called Back To Life. It’s a song of empathy for my friends who have anxiety and depression. Maybe that includes you. Please give it a listen wherever you stream music, or on my Soundcloud page. And if you have a friend who is struggling, I hope you’ll share it with them.

One last thing: If you are worried about your mental or emotional health, Open Path Collective connects those seeking affordable help with licensed therapists. I joined Open Path a few years ago and have worked with two terrific therapists I found because of them. Please, reach out if you need help.

—Benton

The Guy I’m Growing Up To Be

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A few years ago, I had a birthday I was gonna be spending basically by myself. Now if you’ve known me, even just on the socials, for any length of time, you know that I love roller coasters. So I decided I wanted to spend this birthday by myself at a theme park.

I drove to Kings Island in Ohio. It was misting rain when I arrived and soon the rain started falling harder, accompanied by full-on thunder and lightning. So that meant the rides shut down till the weather passed. It also meant I was standing in a line in the rain. I didn’t have an umbrella or a poncho, so it wasn't long till I was completely soaked. Funny thing is I didn't care. In that moment, it's like a thread stretched from 40-something year-old me to teenage me, who would’ve never minded a sudden thundershower at Opryland USA (R.I.P.).

Looking back on that day at Kings Island, I think about how the things that bring us joy as kids stay with us as adults. But we too often ignore them as grown-up pressures take over. It requires some intention--and sometimes a little courage--to seek out those things that made us so happy in younger years.

As I was writing The Guy I'm Growing Up to Be I was reminded of how free and empowered I felt when I was a teenager, less concerned about the stuff that can stop me in my tracks as an adult. So my takeaway for you is this: don't forget what brought you joy when you were younger (for me: making music, riding roller coasters, driving my Karmann Ghia) and make more room for those things in your life. Then notice how much fun you're having. -B

SACRED

So I actually wrote Sacred back in 2017 on a short solo getaway to Louisville. Elane (my co-conspirator in School For Seekers and Cocktail Theology) and I had been to the Wild Goose Festival in North Carolina the month before. Now I should explain that Wild Goose is a fascinating mix of people--Episcopalians and other mainliners, artisans and musicians, LGBTQ+ folks, post-evangelicals, and really just garden-variety hippies. And everyone is worshipping God in their own way, with progressive Christianity as a basic thread. 

I found the event a little confusing at first. But the more I chatted with people—we were doing man-on-the-street-type interviews for the podcast—the more I started to get it. And I left the weekend inspired spiritually and creatively. 

So Sacred is really a celebration of how all lives are cherished by God, regardless of our pasts, our politics, our worldviews, and our weirdness. And as such, we should all see each other as sacred, in spite of (and sometimes because of) our differences. -B

CRY SOMETIMES

Cry Sometimes went from an idea to a single on Spotify in about 2 months—definitely a record (no pun intended) for me! 

A few times in my life, I’ve grieved over something or someone I lost. Tears often come at a time I don’t expect or want them to. And then there are the sleepless nights, the guilt over what I could’ve done differently, the what ifs and how comes. Cry Sometimes is an honest telling of what I’ve been feeling since going through a tough breakup at the beginning of the year. 

The response I’ve gotten to this song has been surprising. One friend lost her brother this year and she shared that this song reminded her that it’s okay to break down and not be strong all the time. Another friend told me he realized he hadn’t fully grieved the end of a marriage and was now sorting through years-old guilt and sadness. 

If there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that grief is unpredictable, unique to each of us, and unique to each loss we face. If you’re grieving right now—and many of us are—you’re not alone. And it’s more than okay to cry sometimes. -B

LOVE IS THE WAY BACK HOME

Love Is The Way Back Home was originally inspired by something early in the 2020 election cycle that Mayor Pete Buttigieg said. I’m not gonna get this exactly right, but what I heard was something like, “It’s gonna take a strong commitment to love each other to pull our country back together.” I was struck by that and started a lyric that centered round the idea that choosing to love each other would be the thing that saves us all in the end.

But as lyrics often do, it took a few detours on the way getting finished. As we entered the pandemic and I started having conversations with friends and family about how we all were feeling, I felt like this song needed to be less a collective call to arms and more a one-on-one commitment to love.

I produced the track in San Jose in the spring, recorded the vocals in July in Nashville with Dennis Dearing (my ride-or-die co-producer). Kurt Heinecke (Veggie Tales) arranged and recorded horns (which took the track to the next level). Dennis played guitars and mixed the song. Hope you love it half as much as I do. -B

MORE MUSIC FOR YOU

For anybody who’s ever felt like an outsider, Grace & Gravity is piano-based pop about living with faith—in God and in yourself.

Turn Off The Moon is a journal of experiences and loves, told through thoughtful lyrics, soaring melodies, and rich instrumentation.

Though 2020 was a painful and confusing time, it also inspired my writing. You can hear more on my Soundcloud by clicking the button below.